8 months Later

July 14th 2016  I sat in a room alone not being able to sleep. After just giving birth the two days prior and having a day full of visitors, visiting myself and new son, I was mentally and physically exhausted. It was a hard day and I needed to see my son. It was 10pm and I went out into the hallway and cried to my nurse about how I was feeling. I just wanted to hold him and make sure he was okay. I was nervous something happened while I wasn’t watching. My nurse so sweet said of course I could see him take him back to my room and hold him. I sat with him and cried and cried and cried. Eventually I talked to my doctor and was obviously diagnosed with  postpartum depression and anxiety.
Fast Forward to March 7 2017 and I found myself in the exact same room and the same chair I was in 8 Months ago. I was going in for a regular follow up and my midwife was on the labor delivery unit waiting for a new mother to give birth. They asked if I could go upstairs and see my midwife which is something they never do. I went not realizing what would happen.
So I get upstairs and they tell me to go to room 5 and she will be in there soon. I go and sit (with both kids) and look out the window and realize I am in the same room that I was in 8 months ago. I was sitting and comparing how I felt then to how I felt now and boy was there a huge difference. I wasnt anxious (or sore from giving birth) I was happy. It was overwhelming to be back in the room. I missed having the excitement of a new baby, and the new baby cuddles, but the depression and anxiety I could do without. I was so happy that I no longer felt the way I did last time I was in that room. Once I realized where I was I quickly snapped a picture of the spot I sat when I took the original picture. Of course I wish I moved the chair over, grabbed Saul, and recreated it but that would have taken a little bit. I am just happy where I am at now and I cant wait to see how I will feel in another 8 months


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