Obviously if you follow this blog you know my struggles with Postpartum depression. It’s a never ending battle and I’m assuming, after a dream the other night it’s on my mind even when I’m sleeping.
After talking with doctors switching around some things I finally found a regiment to help me feel semi normal. But after a dream I had my eyes are more open and I am so much more aware of what is going on more than what medication or talking it out can do.
So this dream…it started that I had a weekend full of weddings to attend. The last wedding was for a women named Alison and once I got to the reception (held at my home church) I was questioned as to how I knew the bride. I couldn’t answer and was accused of stalking the wedding. I realized I was my mother’s plus one but due to the allegations I left. As I was walking to my car I noticed a baby stroller with a baby in it so I started to walk towards it to see if the baby was in need. Once I realized the baby’s father was around I decided to keep going instead of turning around to my car. I ended up walking through what looked like Camden NJ at night and realized many people needed help. I then noticed I had a fanny pack full of bandaids and antibiotics ointment and helped everyone I could. I continued walking and noticed the walls were covered in writing, the writing that you would see under a black light. These writings were words and sentences that I have found my self saying to myself in the past. as I was walking I was essentially getting lost within this building, covered in these not so nice sentences. As I was walking just trying to find a way out I didn’t know what to do. Eventually I saw a light and ran towards it. It got brighter and brighter and brighter until I realized I was outside! It was beautiful! I was in what looked to be a realistic future with hover cars and robots and also noticed the year was 2982. Meaning everyone I loved was not around anymore (yes yes I know I wouldn’t be around either but it was a dream.)
When I woke up it was as if I woke up from a fog. It all made sense! That dream was showing me that if I keep in this dark depression state I am going to miss out on so much, with my kids, with my husband, with the one life I have. I’m not one to ever interpret dreams but I honestly believe it was my subconscious telling me to shape up. But since that dream I have been happy, more aware of my actions and quite frankly I have laughed. It’s been a long time since I’ve laughed and it was so nice. So I think it’s safe to say that my dream was a wish my heart made (without me realizing it of course lol)