Dear 130am

Have you ever reached that point in life where you just want to throw up your hands and say “I’m done” and just hide under the covers. Well I’m currently at that point. You see it has been a week since I’ve gotten a “good” nights sleep and it has nothing to do with the aches and pains of pregnancy.  I can deal with those hip pains, kickboxing in the wee hours of the morning. No this sleep strike is caused by none other than an awful cough that I just can’t seem to shake. I know I know in hindsight it’s preparing me for the sleepless nights of camp, and the newborn stage but wouldn’t that mean that sleeping now should be important since in a few weeks it will be non existent?
  Staring at the clock and seeing all hours of the night, until I literally pass out than am woken with yet another cough attack, has given me plenty of time to really evaluate things and just talk to God. It can get so hard to admit failure in any aspect of life and maybe it’s pregnancy hormones, or my new friend sleep deprivation but I feel like I’ve been failing or to put in a nicer term overall lacking in my responsibilities. I swear whoever reads this blog probably thinks I’m the worst mom and wife ever, but it’s better to express your feelings no matter how many times the same feelings come up than keep them in.
 Anyway during one of my 130 sessions (lol) I looked back on the last few weeks and thought about three important aspects of life. God, family, household. I thought about when the last time I really dug into God’s word and talked to him in a different manner than just prayer before bedtime and honestly I couldn’t come up with an answer. Now that is just terrible! God gave me this amazing life I’m living I should never let the busyness of it get in the way of drawing closer to Him. But I have, and that is just sad especially with the chaos of life about to hit 100 in the next few weeks.
 Next family, now I have to admit I have been trying to be more intentional in my marriage and as a mother and some days are better than others. But  (with the exception of being sick and nearly quarantined) I’ve been trying to be more present for Hannah and Kyle. I hope they are seeing it and there is always room for improvement. It’s weird though as I was looking through wedding pictures I saw the way I looked at my new husband and I thought to myself do I still look at him that way 5 years later?…that will be a new blog post so be on the look out
 Household. So I’ve never been the best cleaner as kyle says I’m a pack rat which is true I have a hard time throwing things away, hence why I still have a bag of old high school t-shirts. But I will admit when I was nesting I got a lot done and I’m hoping that will come back instead of the current neglect my house and chores are facing. I want to be able to keep a clean organized house but it feels like as soon as it’s clean and organized tornado toddler comes through. I just need to figure out a schedule that works and stick to it no matter what since the schedule I have currently just isn’t cutting it. I know that no matter what once the new baby gets here it will take some to get back into a routine so hopefully my house will be spotless before I leave for camp. Ambitions right!  With three weeks to go until we leave I need to get my butt in gear.


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