When I was younger any time I heard the word Mom I would think of my own mom, an “older” woman who has a lot of life experiences. I know I have two children whom I carried for 9 months and gave birth to but honestly I dont feel like a mom. I know, I know how can I not feel like a mom when I have a two year old who follows me around yelling mom, mom, mom. If you follow me on facebook you may remember how I talked about the fact that after Hannah was born I felt like I was just babysiting and waiting for someone to eventually take her back. Honestly thats how I felt again. I felt like I’m just babysitting these two adorable kids 24/7 waiting for someone to eventaully come and say thanks for watching them I’ll take them now. Thankfully that wont happen.
Mainly I felt/feel this way because I can not believe God blessed me with these two incredible kids! What did I do to deserve this priveledge? I am no one special, yet I was chosen to mother these two kids. I remember after we lost Sage the feeling of Ill never be able to have children. Than once we lost Presley the feeling of Ill never be able to give Kyle a son since I was so sure Presley was a boy. I’m so glad that I learned to trust in God’s plan and being okay with what he had decided for me no matter how hard it would be. And let me tell you it has not been an easy journey but its my journey.
Now in no way am I a perfect mother. I definitely have my flaws. I mean Saul is currently in his swing, and Hannah is eating breakfast in front of the TV so I can have a few minutes alone before I start my day ( yes its currently 930am.) There are some days that I am not proud of my “mommy methods” aka a lot more tv time than I want, and a lot more toddler play by herself than I want. I know, isnt hannah playing alone a good thing? It is because she learns self play but more times than I like she wants me to play and I have to say no. But being a stay at home mom, especially to two kids, gets pretty busy even if my house looks like I didn’t get anything cleaned.
Ultimately my point of this post is I am Hannah, and Saul’s mother, I am the only mother they have and I really hope that in their eyes I am doing a good job. I hope they don’t remember the bad days, but they remember the good days. Like the days we played outside for hours on end, or the tea parties in the middle of the living room, and the dance parties while cleaning the kitchen. I am not a perfect mom, I have many many flaws but God gave these two perfect kids to me and I don’t want to mess up my chance of raising them. In the end I am a mother, a sleep deprived, running on caffeine and sloppy kisses, endless loving, wouldn’t have it any other way, Hannah and Saul’s Mother.