I hate anxiety…

There I said it outloud. I absolutely positively hate hate anxiety. And after yesterday I hate it even more
 Let’s go back a few years to when my anxiety really picked up. To my knowledge I never had any issues with anxiety. Everything was great and  I was just living my life until one awful night when I was at camp. Early in the morning we had a terrible storm which knocked out power, destroyed things, and knocked down many trees including one that almost crushed the cottage  I was staying in with kyle. That night haunts me still even though it was nearly 3 years ago ( i was pregnant with hannah when that storm hit.)
 Since that night anytime I hear a storm is coming I break out in cold sweats, I pace, and  honestly I can’t function. March of 2015 I finally went to the doctors for unrelated reasons and I was finally diagnosed with Post traumatic stress disorder also known as PTSD. I was shocked. I honestly didn’t realize that I could be diagnosed with that but ultimately my symptoms matched up and I had to face reality. That storm had impacted me more than i thought. I was put on medication which was starting to help but unfortunatly lost presley while I was on them. Ultimately I stopped taking the  medication and haven’t started again (especially since I’m pregnant again.)
 Yesterday’s storm felt almost identical to the first storm except we had more warning. I started checking my radars so that I would be prepared. Figured out a plan incase a tornado was to hit. Once the thunder started I started to worry and unfortunatly pace looking out the windows to see if I could see anything coming. Than around 7pm lightening, Thunder,and our power went out at the same time. Anxiety sky rocketed and I honestly thought yup this is how it ends. I told kyle to go upstairs and get hannah and just like that I get a tornado warning on my phone. Just what an anxiety filled person needs. I could see the wind picking up outside and my sweet sweet husband got me away from the window to get my mind off of what was going on outside.
 Thankfully, no tornado touchdown near us. And other than a flooded basement we were safe. As soon as I knew the storms were passed I went straight to bed since one of those attacks really take things out of me. I am so hoping one day I can put all of this behind me and enjoy the weather like I used to. Once the storms are passed I get so mad at myself for how I reacted and how I can’t control anything.
 Anxiety is no joke. I’m positive I will get through this, but until then I just need to pray and breath


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