You are (not) a failure…. are an awful mother
..why dont you just stay in bed all day
..just run away to a hotel and sleep
..your a terrible housewife
..youve failed at being a mother and a wife
..youll never be happy again..

Those are the thoughts that have been in my head for what feels like daily.  As many of you know I struggle with post partm depression and anxiety. It has been a very long journey since Saul was born. But finally after being put on medication I was Happy again. Genuinely happy. but now Im wondering were did  that happiness go?  A few weeks ago i found out i had an ovarian cyst burst yet again. i decided to go on medication to see if i could prevent those from happening again. Since the medication i am on does affect hormones it seems that it is unfortuantly affecting my depression medication as well. Which is so incredibly frustating. Ive made so much progress and now I feel like Im back at where I started and all of the progress ive made is gone. Im between a rock and a hard place so to speak. Either stick with this new medication  and pray my levels even out soon and possibly fix my cyst issue until i can have surgery. Or go off the new medication have the possibiliy of pain but be happy.
 Depression is seriously ugly and I hate every second of having it. I wish it was a quick fix like just don’t think about it, but it’s not like I can do that. I can’t not just think about it it takes over and I have no energy and a short temper. I know I’ll get this figured out but the right here right now stinks!
 When those ugly thoughts pop into my head I just have to remind myself are a great mother
..get out of bed and enjoy your day because you won’t get this day again
..don’t run away you’ll be missed are a good housewife! are not a failure! WILL be happy again


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