Tomorrow is the day I have been dreading for months. Tomorrow is December 17, 2015. To most it seems like just another day but to a grieving mother it’s a day that will be full of emotions. You see December 17,2015 was Presleys due date.
Tomorrow I would have been 40 weeks pregnant meaning that I would be going into labor soon or would already have a newborn in my arms. But instead I lost my precious babe nearly 30 weeks ago. Not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about Presley or thought where I would have been in that pregnancy.
It’s hard to be excited this time of year when I’m still grieving, I have my days of excitement for Christmas but soon they are pushed to the back of my mind with thoughts of what if I would have had a newborn as well. I will never be able to understand or comprehend why I’m not still pregnant. My doctors don’t even have answers to be honest. God is the only one who knows why I’m not about to be 40 weeks pregnant. To be honest I like it that way. I don’t think I’d be able to handle knowing the truth as to why I only got to spend nearly 10 weeks with my baby. But as I have said before and ill say it until my last breath Gods got a plan. I don’t know that plan but maybe as it starts to unfold I’ll understand. Well I hope I’ll understand.
I’ve been asked if I plan on doing anything to remember Presley and the answer is yes. I’m hoping soon to build up the courage to visit their grave but until then I plan on doing what I did for Sage. Writing them a letter and I will bury it in the back yard. I’m hoping to get some sort of solar light for the spot where both letters are so when it’s dark out I can look back there and think of my babies.
So may I ask for one thing in return from all who have read this. Please think about myself and my family tomorrow as it will be a difficult day. A day that has been long coming and a day I have been dreading. I’m thankful that I’ll be in New Jersey and hopefully keep my mind off of things but no matter what that thought will still be in my mind.
we still would appreciate all the thoughts and prayers we could get. Thank you
XO
Leah