I was looking at Hannah the other day and thought how much I absolutely love this little girl. But unfortunatly it hasn’t always been like that.
When I was pregnant with Hannah I kept hearing these stories that upon first glance of your baby you would fall in so much love with them. I hate to admit it but I didn’t get that feeling. I loved her of course and I was so happy to finally hold her in my arms but I didn’t get that fuzzy feeling that I read so much about. I honestly didn’t get that fuzzy feeling until she was about 16months old. Thank you to post partum depression. Honestly this post is not an easy one to right but for those 16 months I felt like I was just babysitting. Let me reiderate the fact that I did love my daughter and I would do anything to protect her and keep her safe but I didn’t have that mother daughter bond. Those months were so odd and I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why I felt the way I felt. I realized that my “baby blues” weren’t the first two weeks after birth but it lasted for months and became even worse once our breast feeding journey abruptly stopped at 4 months. I finally went to the doctor and was diagnosed with PPD almost a year and a half after she was born. I felt like I failed at being a mother. How did I let this go on for so long and have no idea! After talking to the doctor I was prescribed medication. It helped but I also turned to my faith as that needed to be first. It was a frustrating few months after being diagnosed but I started to feel like myself again and I was finally getting that fuzzy feeling every single time I looked at Hannah. And I still do! I am absolutely 100% in love with this little girl. She is amazing and so smart and I am so glad she is mine! I’m blessed to be her mommy. I’ve learned that PPD is no joke and it’s a hard journey but now if I’m blessed with more babies I’ll know to let me doctor know so I can get help right away instead of waiting so long.