Some days I feel like I am so full of excuses I need to literally shake myself. Excuses for everything, I’m too tired, I’m pregnant, I don’t feel well. But what it comes down to is the fact these excuses don’t hurt me, they hurt my family.
To say the least some days I feel like a failure. I feel like a failure as a mother, and a wife. Everynight i go to bed thinking tomorrow will be different and it never is. And I honestly need to snap myself out of whatever funk I’m in because I’m getting annoyed with myself.
Towards Hannah, I have not been the mother she deserves. Unfortunatly I have made this stupid device that’s in my hand 24/7 more important than my daughter. Like really Leah! Why do I care so much about what’s going on in other people’s lives when I should be focusing on my own. I should be playing more and reading more with her (even though if I read Goodnight moon one more time I may go crazy) she’s only going to be this little once and I need to be a mother who is present, and I’m going to try to do that more. I owe it to her. I’m the only mother she will ever have and I want to be the best one at that.
Towards my husband, I have not been the loving wife I should be. He works hard outside of the house all day so that I can be home with hannah. And I shouldn’t take that for granted. He should come home to a clean house and a hot meal (even though I’m not the greatest cook I should still try) I’ll admit it, I take his niceness for granted and that is just awful. We’re a team and I need to start acting like it. Now these past few weeks Have been hard with him being sick, hannahs surgery, and now I’m actually sick but I can still try my hardest to keep things in order. I really should figure out his love language and make that a priority. Even though he never reads my blog (ahem ahem lol) I do promise to work harder around the house and quite frankly be the wife he deserves
I got this shirt “proverbs 31 wifey” I think a year ago or so. And when I pulled it out of the drawer to see if it would fit everything kinda clicked and made me want to get this all out in the open. Now I know some people do not like the wife described in Proverbs 31. But to be honest I need to strive to be like her. I need to provide for my family’s needs, by speaking wisdom and truth instead of hurtful and gossip. Provide food, and do my housework even if it means getting up before everyone else. I need to ultimately make my family a priority instead of materialistic things. I’m ashamed of the mom and wife I am now, but there’s time to turn things around and be the person I truly desire to be. And you better believe I’m going to work hard to become her and stay that way! I’m thankful that I’m figuring this all out know and not later in life
XO
Leah