This past weekend I was able to go to our mid winter retreat with some of our bible conference guests from camp. (Thats why I didn’t write last week since I was prepping for that.) As we got closer to leaving I was hit with the revelation that I was going back to the camp where I lost Presley. I was nervous (thankfully we were at their retreat facility instead of main camp) but, just being there brought back so many emotions and I’m going to be honest I was worried that I would come home not pregnant again.
The first night there I had a few minutes to sit outside and just stare at the stars. I remembered how I did that when I finally had a few free moments at camp after I learned that my dear Presley was born into Heaven. But this time everything felt different, the night sky was no doubt beautiful, but I wasn’t crying out with a broken heart. This time I was praising God for the little one who was kicking from within. Same stars different circumstances.
The next morning as I was getting ready for my early med rounds I noticed how absolutely breathtaking the sun was as it was rising. It made me think how the sun setting and rising feels a lot like this past year. When we lost presley there wasn’t much sun that week it was quite gloomy and looked how I felt. But no matter how it looked there, the sun still set every night and rose every day. To me, the sun setting always indicted the day coming to close and a sun rise is the start of a brand new day and a clean slate. This new baby is my sun rise. A new start, a beautiful beginning. When I snapped the picture of the sky this weekend I couldn’t believe how different the two pictures were and how they showed excatly how I felt/feel. I love how God can paint the sky to reflect how we feel and how always on point He is.
I know this summer when I’m back at camp it may be rough again but I know I need to look to God and look towards the sky to see what beautiful painting he painted for me that day.