One of my favorite verses in the Bible talks about how we are knit together in our mothers wombs and are fearfully and wonderfully made. Since I am pregnant that verse pops up alot and I think how this child I am carrying is someone God specifically made, and He made this person with the intent that I be his or her mother. That just baffles me! Before I was created, heck before even Adam and Eve were created God knew that I would be pregnant with this child. How crazy is that! As I was writing a title for this blog I specifically put fear in all caps since well that’s how I am feeling at this exact moment.
No one tells you that when you lose a child there are different days that will effect you more than others especially the first year after the child passed. In regards to Presley, we have four days ( Presleys due date, when I was 10 weeks with boom since we lost presley at ten weeks, the exact date of presley passing, and the Thursday of orientation when I learned about Presley being born into Heaven.) Tomorrow is our fourth hard day and as it gets closer I am so overcome with fear that it makes my stomach turn. Being pregnant during these specific days makes things alot harder, when I’ve actually been told it makes things easier. I am fearful that Ill end up in the same predicament as last year. And as much as I pray, as much as I give this baby and this pregnancy to God everyday the fear doesn’t subside. I’m only human though, I do trust God that whatever his plans for this baby are I’m trusting in Him. It doesn’t make things easier but to be honest I don’t think anything will make tomorrow easier.
So as we approach our fourth and final hard day I’m praying for an uneventful day but ultimately the day is in God’s hands and I’m trusting in Him to help me make it through the day (with not too many breakdowns) But as it also says in the Bible, Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.